Without a Doubt Sanjaya Should Go

Using my best corporate speak, there were two takeaways from last night’s American Idol. One, Gwen Stefani is really, really good looking and two, Sanjaya Malakar’s time on American Idol needs to end.

That’s not to say it will. I could easily see either Chris Sligh or Haley Scarnato hit the road this week but Sanjaya really should Sanjaya Malakarbe next.

It was No Doubt night on AI, well, at least songs that Gwen Stefani was inspirted by, including the No Doubt cannon, which only three contestents dipped into.

The playlist was long on the Police, the Cure and classic disco tracks, about what you’d expect from Stefani, who, other than looking radient, coached our young idols with about as much passion as she has for rejoining No Doubt. In the words of Haley Scarnato, she clocked in and clocked out, and there should have been a little Pop Up Video bubble over her head that said “Hi, I’m Gwen Stefani kids, buy my records.”

Ah but when Gwen wasn’t on screen (did we mention she looked really, really good) there was a singing competition going on and our forementioned Mr. Malakar may have finally run his course. If he losses the vote it wont be for his bad vocals, which were their usual atrocious but because he messed with those fine locks of hair on his head. Malakar decided, we suppose in honor of Tony Kanel, to braid his hair into a puffy mohawk. The granny block will be none-too-pleased and this comes not a moment too soon.

Mr Malakar, you can butcher Diana Ross, you can butcher The Kinks, but damn it, butchering No Doubt songs is messing with Jerseycool’s musical youth and this will not be tolerated.

Sanjaya looks like he’s reached the point where he knows he won’t win and he’s just having fun with the competition. That’s all fine and everything but when you start turning things into a cartoon it disresepects the competition and just like disrespecting the Bing in the Sopranos there are dire consequences for Idol contestents.

Anyway, performace of the night was by Gina Glockson who did justice to the Pretenders “I’ll Stand By You.” We didn’t think we’d ever write that about The Glock and I’m sure JerseyCool’s Idol fans never thought they’d read it. Good show fake rocker girl.

Lakisha and Melinda Doolittle both took the night off stretching their range with a pair of disco songs and Phil Stacey bored us again. We heard Chris Richardson closed the show with No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak” but we used this time to hit the bathroom before House came on.

We’re gonna pick tonight as Sanjaya’s night to head home but we could easily see Chris Sligh whacked for butchering “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic.” (Note to contestants, unless your first name is a bee-related verb, don’t try to sing this song. It falls into the same Idol killer category as Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.”)

Haley Scarnato is also a popular pick to go but we think she may have hit on something by showing the gams for a second straight week.

PS: We’re giving AI producers a big ol’ JereseyCool boooo after reading reports that the results show will expand to an hour. The rational is that with performances and their new charity this year they need an hour to get through everything. We think the expanded hour has a whole lot more to do with May sweeps coming up than any of that. It’s the viewers fault. Until we stop tuning in to anything but the last 10 minutes of the show AI will continue to treat its loyalists like teats full of money.

JC

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